soft manners, gentle way, so delicate

calm and collected

heart rate, pupil dilation

oh God i want more

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07-05-2022

i'm sure you don't care
but i'm fine and i'm doing great
i haven't dated anyone
cause i'm not over you

are you still the same as before?
are you still the way i remember you?
if i held onto you back then
would you still be looking at me
with those lovely eyes?

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I have so much going on for me in my career and life. I want to make more time in my life, carve out more space in my heart, to fall in love with myself, to really be okay alone. 

I think that I punish myself too much — and think too much instead of feeling.

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or

 a long long time ago, someone said, "you are an amazing girl."

yes i was, but now? i don't think so.

this long cold winter made me realized that i am just an ordinary girl livin' in this cruel world.

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hey my precious one,

i wanna tell you something,

you are living in a wonderful yet cruel world

so it's fine to get mad but do not ever hate,
just remember that all those toxic people exist just to teach you for not growing up like them.

happy birthday!

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lullaby

remember that you are strong. you deserve better than you know. all of this misery is just a lullaby. you are going to be free. you will feel like no one can beat you. you will be happy. forever.

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-

it's been very hard, hasn't it?
no matter how hard you tried to hold back your love, did it not work?

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trust

i trusts you. but trust is something very fragile; it's easy to break, but nearly impossible to build back up. so i'm asking you, let's not break this trust.

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"I wanna be your summer, I wanna be your wave"

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i lived without a dream for a while. i wandered aimlessly, not knowing what to do with my life and so i just went with the flow. where life brought me, i followed.

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i'll remember your name
to keep our precious memories in my shining heart

i'll quietly call your name with all of my heart
even when time passes and we become adults

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once time passes, when more time passes, i'm sure i'll be okay.

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people can't even look after their own wounds. they all turn their faces away from the reality or their wounds in the name of self-defense.

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to escape from my problems, I get a cup of coffee from my fav barista (i call him Mas Yuta) then lean against the wall and looking around. coffee finished, no conclusions reached, what a wonderful life!

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it's rare that I find myself alone in the house; in fact I can't remember the last time that happened. I don't know what to do with myself so I sit in the empty silent house staring into space. it's eight a.m. and the day has barely started. I make myself a cup of tea, just for something to do, but don't drink it. I realized I've been holding my breath and I exhale.

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I think that there's no need to live your life based on the standard of others. trust yourself and live a healthy and happy life.

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orang-orang pulang ke rumah saat mereka ingin menangis tanpa alasan.

mereka menyadarinya setelah menahan airmata mereka.

bahwa tidak ada airmata yang menetes tanpa alasan.

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somebody says there is a miracle, and another says there isn't.
but at the end, at the desperate moment, anyone prays for a miracle, and waits for a miracle.
that's why a miracle should exist.
so that a slight hope at least can be given, at every desperate moment, a miracle must exist.

but miracles are miracles because they're not common.
rather than luck that you didn't anticipate, there's much more misfortune that you couldn't even think of in this world.
life, to believing in only miracles is cold and harsh.

in the end, miracles are a matter of the probability.
miracles exist only for one person.
for the remaining 9,999 people, it's merely nonsense.
life is, in all and overwhelming probability, cruel.

still, stiil, we need miracles.
rather than despair that has zero percent probability, a possibility that could happen once in 100,000; a silver of possibility is still better.
only then do we have hope.

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it's above the water that I feel like I'm drowning.

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will there be a next time? even if it’s not in this life? will there be a next time? is it possible? even if I can’t ever see you again will I be able to let go? will I?

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