Since few years ago, I was always looking for your attention. I would wait to see if you liked my Instagram picture or if you watched my Instastory. For some odd reason, I thought maybe, just maybe, you’d want me one last time. I thought if I made my life look and sound exciting that you’d miss me and want me back, that you’d want to be a part of my happiness.
But, once I saw your name pop up from you liking my picture or viewing my Instastory I felt a sense of happiness, a sense of relief- relief that I didn’t have to try so hard anymore. Lately, I’ve been very focused on how to make it work, the ifs, the ands, and the buts. I’ve focused my life back to you. You’ve been in my head for hours a day and, in my dreams. You’ve been all I think about and it is very sad. And every single time something good comes up I think about you.
You were the one I was thinking about.
“I wonder what he is thinking, I wonder how he is feeling, what is he doing right now, does he miss me.”
All of those things have been tormenting me.
I felt I had to do something to earn your love, for some reason it was yours I wanted. All of these things that have happened in the past few years have been because of me, but I turned each and every single one of them into because of you’s. The worst part is that I felt it was okay to live like this. I thought it was normal, I thought I was just a typical girl in the typical world, reminiscing over her ex. That it was okay to live my life and focus it on you.
21.03.2017 10.58AM
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