trust

i trusts you. but trust is something very fragile; it's easy to break, but nearly impossible to build back up. so i'm asking you, let's not break this trust.

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"I wanna be your summer, I wanna be your wave"

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i lived without a dream for a while. i wandered aimlessly, not knowing what to do with my life and so i just went with the flow. where life brought me, i followed.

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i'll remember your name
to keep our precious memories in my shining heart

i'll quietly call your name with all of my heart
even when time passes and we become adults

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once time passes, when more time passes, i'm sure i'll be okay.

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people can't even look after their own wounds. they all turn their faces away from the reality or their wounds in the name of self-defense.

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to escape from my problems, I get a cup of coffee from my fav barista (i call him Mas Yuta) then lean against the wall and looking around. coffee finished, no conclusions reached, what a wonderful life!

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it's rare that I find myself alone in the house; in fact I can't remember the last time that happened. I don't know what to do with myself so I sit in the empty silent house staring into space. it's eight a.m. and the day has barely started. I make myself a cup of tea, just for something to do, but don't drink it. I realized I've been holding my breath and I exhale.

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I think that there's no need to live your life based on the standard of others. trust yourself and live a healthy and happy life.

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orang-orang pulang ke rumah saat mereka ingin menangis tanpa alasan.

mereka menyadarinya setelah menahan airmata mereka.

bahwa tidak ada airmata yang menetes tanpa alasan.

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somebody says there is a miracle, and another says there isn't.
but at the end, at the desperate moment, anyone prays for a miracle, and waits for a miracle.
that's why a miracle should exist.
so that a slight hope at least can be given, at every desperate moment, a miracle must exist.

but miracles are miracles because they're not common.
rather than luck that you didn't anticipate, there's much more misfortune that you couldn't even think of in this world.
life, to believing in only miracles is cold and harsh.

in the end, miracles are a matter of the probability.
miracles exist only for one person.
for the remaining 9,999 people, it's merely nonsense.
life is, in all and overwhelming probability, cruel.

still, stiil, we need miracles.
rather than despair that has zero percent probability, a possibility that could happen once in 100,000; a silver of possibility is still better.
only then do we have hope.

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it's above the water that I feel like I'm drowning.

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will there be a next time? even if it’s not in this life? will there be a next time? is it possible? even if I can’t ever see you again will I be able to let go? will I?

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aku tidak seharusnya pergi

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bidok

I'm missing my Bidok so much, last night I saw her in my dream, and today is her birthday.
how are you Dok? hope things will go well as you wish.

she's my deskmate for 3 years on my highschool days, my support system, when life's get hard she's always there. and I'm wishing you here right now because I miss you much huhuhuu

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it's less crowded than yesterday so I feel lonelier.
why am I walking alone without you whom I love so much?

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"I'm feeling such excitement that I have his attention, that he's all mine, that he's listening to me talking about something I really like, that nobody else can steal his attention away. all aches and pains are gone. it's the best moment I've ever spent with him in my whole life."

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secret

here's the secret that nobody knows,
I wander around the dim stars to reach out to your heart.

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kau ingat lagu yang berkumandang pada malam kita bertemu pertama kali?
tidak, tapi aku ingat semua lagu yang kudengarkan sejak kau pergi.

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wherever you are, you can't stay still. just laying and sitting won't change anything. you have to keep running in order to achieve something, at least. the world is like that, isn't it? I wish that what you're working on now is something you really like.

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how long will I have to just look at you from afar?
this foolish love, this terrible love.
do they have to keep going?
for me to love you?

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dia tidak bergaul dengan siapapun dan tidak merespon siapapun.
dia hanya di sana, diam, seolah dia tidak bisa melihat atau mendengar apapun.
dia meringkuk seperti ulat yang menunggu musim semi dengan serat di seluruh tubuhnya.

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warm spring

before I knew it, the cold long winter and the snow melted in the spring breeze.
maybe I could love someone again in the sun shining warm spring.

just maybe.

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"you're doing a great job"

i've always wanted to hear that from someone.

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if you try to understand me and come to me,
then I can wait.

as long as you come to me,
I'll just wait.

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